Pursuing ‘hand’ in divorce is the wrong approach

| May 6, 2021 | Divorce

Those who obsessively pursue “hand” in their relationships undoubtedly pursue it in their breakups as well.

“Seinfeld” fans understand what that’s about. George starts an episode complaining about how he has no control in a new relationship he’s in. “I have no power. I mean, why should she have the upper hand? Once in my life, I would like the upper hand. I have no hand, no hand at all!”

To which Jerry responds, “We all want the hand. Hand is tough to get.”

It’s common in divorce for one or both parties to want the upper hand. Even when both parties agree that ending the marriage is the best decision, there may be feelings of bitterness and a desire to retaliate. That can send the entire process spiraling out of control.

If you can’t collaborate, at least cooperate

In collaborative divorce, both spouses agree upfront to reach agreement about issues such as child custody, property division and support without litigating. Both parties typically still hire attorneys, but if an agreement cannot be reached on any matter and one party decides to go to court, neither attorney can participate further in the divorce.

Collaborative law is not for everyone. However, even when the parties in divorce leave open the possibility that a dispute may need to be settled in court, the aim should be to resolve it otherwise. This may include mediation or arbitration.

You should shape your future

Why not go to court? Because true power in divorce is gained by retaining some control. When spouses work together to shape the look and feel of their post-divorce lives, each party retains more control over what that will look like. “Winning” in divorce is emerging with a strong relationship with your children, creating a financial foundation that is as solid as possible and the having the ability to look forward with hope rather than backward with disdain.

A divorce attorney’s role is to help their client protect their rights while shaping the best possible future for them. Savvy family law attorneys understand that it’s not about getting ‘hand’ in divorce, it’s about using your head to resolve disputes and move forward.